night the second

This is all off to a lovely start. Lying in my bed, slightly intoxicated after a long night of drinking, singing, socializing, smiling and laughing every time I felt like crying, and seeing the boy for a few moments before he left me to my crowded aloneness. Finding out tonight, again, for the first time, an unrequited love towards me is still burning...can't tell it, can't ever tell about it. But even though it's ridiculous, it's strangely comforting. I don't feel so unprotected. It is like being protected from afar, this love that will never be returned and never acted upon...he will watch over me, he wrote a song about me and he is good at guarding me when i'm defenseless. Like tonight....Lame, weak, drinking drinking drinking and acting like everything is fine...then closing the bar down with unrequited-love boy, and smoking smoking smoking...and secrets revealed...and a million things not revealed, and million things not spoken. So loudly not spoken. So still, standing on Main Street in Manchester, in the cool air, watching the cars racing by and the moths frantic around the outside lights. I am tired. Day two of my solitude...I feel like a loser.